The Link Year
by Clematis14
Summary: This is a fic chronicling Lily's last year at Hogwarts, her relationships with those around her, especially James, and her fears of loneliness and entering a war torn world.
1. Prologue: Time

I always thought I'd be young forever. I wanted to be older. I needed to do adult things, have the basic freedoms that the maturity level of a child could never afford. Adult life was oh so appealing. My age never seemed to change, as time ebbed by at its sickening crawling pace, never fluctuating in its infuriating pattern that I was stuck in. It seemed so slow, but I knew it was changing. I knew when I was four, seven, eleven, fifteen, and I know that I've been alive for seventeen years. Seventeen childish years, filled with childish things. It's ironic how much I wanted things to progress more rapidly. I wanted to be a big girl, a preteen, a teen, and out of my silly throes of awkward pubescence in the blink of an eye. The irony of it all is I took it all for granted. I wish I could go back and live it all again. Not much would change, but it would be so nice to go back to when things were simple; when I could play without a care or worry(that it was parents are for), when my sister didn't hate me so much, she was my best friend, and when unconditional love was given so freely that it was the most natural and wonderful thing in the entire world. Ignorance is bliss, and naïveté is really a gift in disguise. Peal away all the innocence and all you have is a bleak, cynical place exposed to war and death, despair. The picture isn't too pretty without those rose colored glasses. I'm still wearing those glasses, I know, but I'll have to take them off soon. My greatest desire at this precise moment in time is to wear them forever. To stay in a world of optimism love and life, where being adult is really just a wonderful, appealing adventure that you just want to happen. I always wanted to be adult. I want to be young forever.


	2. Venice

I think my Peter Pan complex began the day I received my Head Girl badge. It seemed unreal to me that I had attended Hogwarts for six years. Don't get me wrong, I was beyond thrilled at this most prestigious honor, I was as high up as a student could get. Status mattered more to me then. I had worked hard for this, practically sacrificing my social life to reach a goal that I didn't know I was working towards. My goal was not to become head girl, but an unknown goal, unknown to anyone. Not even I knew why I tried so hard, never gave up. Maybe it was because I liked to think I was better, or maybe I just wanted to prove that I wasn't worse, that I did belong at Hogwarts, in the wizarding world. I wasn't a muggle, I just wasn't, I could do magic, I was a witch, a good witch at that. So many people didn't want me there at Hogwarts, didn't think I belonged there just because my parents were muggles. Sometimes I found myself wishing I came from a family of wizards who understood me, as opposed to my long line of muggles. I would think these thoughts away, being a muggleborn defined me, gave me drive, though there was so much to sacrifice_. My Before Life_. Now, my parents hadn't an inkling of my life. Only one person did.

Her parents called her Venice, named after a city they had never known, had never been to, but they liked the sound of it. It gave way to a cornucopia of mystery and romance, an odd name for such an open girl, but she had her secrets, we all do. No one except me knew how much she loved. It was fitting for someone who loved so easily, like Venice, to befriend someone like me, who had trouble grasping the emotion that was so inclined to elude me. No one knew how Venice was happy, happy in a way that she loved herself, and the world and everyone. It was hard for her to see the bad, to be cynical and hard like I could be, she didn't hate, no, I knew few people who could hate. We were alike in some ways, Venice had passion, I was passionate. Venice cared about everything, a problem we shared, we just cared too much, got caught up in things so easily. Venice's passion could get her into trouble. She was fiercely protective for the things she cared about, which was a great many thins, a long list including, her family, me, and a golden retriever named Bessie. Venice needed companionship, thrived off of it, she was never lonely because she was never alone. Everyone loved Venice, it was hard not too, but few loved her like I did, knew her like I did, like only a best friend could. In some ways I was glad she was a muggle, glad she was away from it all, she was one person who I didn't have to shield from the world, not yet at least, she was still sheltered in her high school, still living with her parents away from any wizarding war.

Venice was the only person who knew me. I told her everything, through letter of course, she knew I was a witch, my fears, my hopes and aspirations, achievements and happenings of everyday life, just as I knew hers, just as I always would know. Venice would always be my friend, even if we stopped speaking or for years or we fought, because we had a history, and she was the only person I loved longer and harder than anyone else, besides my parents, but they couldn't love me back, not in the way my best friend could because they didn't know me.

I knew I could never tell my parents about my life in the wizarding world because they would take it all away. They would try to keep me safe, and in doing so, stifle me. They could never get rid of the magic, I was magic, I radiated magic in a way Venice never could, in a way she wished she could, but I admired Venice's brand of magic more than I ever could my own. I admired Venice, and in all my life, I knew I would never meet another like her, so I had to hold her dear, keep her close.

Head Girl was something my parents could understand. They were so proud of me. I loved to make them proud. Since I rarely saw them, they didn't get on my nerves like other parents, no, I like to please them. They were just as thrilled as I was, maybe even more so, the day I got that badge, the badge that set everything off for the rest of my time at Hogwarts. I had been a prefect since fifth year, doling out punishments and enforcing the law, my parents were proud of that too, and my top marks.

It felt nice to be rewarded for all of my hard work, nice to stand out for once, maybe not be _just that prefect_ like I always seemed to be, or the girl that popular boy James Potter followed around constantly asking her out. No, I would be Lily Evans, Head Girl. I wrote to tell Venice and to ask her to hang out.

That's how I spent the rest of the summer before my seventh year. Helping out mom and dad, avoiding my sister Petunia, (which wasn't hard since she made a point out of avoiding me), and spending time with Venice, time I knew I would never get back because soon I would be a fully fledged witch in the real world, a world Venice would never belong in. A trip to Diagon Alley, and soon I was bidding my family farewell, saying a tearful goodbye to Venice with promises to write frequently and about everything. Between Venice and me there were no secrets, Hogwarts was filled with secrets, some of which I would still have to discover.


	3. Happily Ever After Friends

The morning of September first, I awoke, just as I had for the last six years, with a bubbling excitement in the pit of my stomach. This year everything seemed so unreal to me. I was stuck in a haze as I got out of my childhood bed that morning. I placed my feet on the floor, firmly grounding myself and savoring its coolness against my hot feet, a nice contrast against the summer's warmth. I hastily dressed, making sure nothing clashed with my deep red hair, a pair of short jean shorts and a nice plain blue top with trainers to match. I made my way to the bathroom to complete my inane morning ritual. I surveyed myself in the mirror, I lacked the proper confidence to call myself beautiful just then, but I knew I was pretty, pretty would do just fine. My eyes stuck out in particular, emerald green, the best kind, they were shining this particular morning with that same excitement I could sense in my stomach. I took my hair out of the bun that it was in, still wet from the night before, but it was curling nicely, a mixture of bright colors, red and green was what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I observed with regret that my hair would be frizzy later and would require me to put it up in a ponytail as it always seemed to end up. A dash of gray eyeliner on the top and bottom lids of my eyes, mascara for the lashes, and my primping was done in all of ten minutes, which was pretty good timing considering it was the first day of school for my last year at Hogwarts. It struck me that this year was different and nothing would ever be the same, but I don't think it registered just then. It soon would. Each year the train ride from platform 9 ¾ stood out in my memory. It was part of some important journey for me, for all of us students, really.

My first train ride I made friends, we chatted and laughed like the eleven year olds we were. _They could be my best friends_, I thought, _friends at my new school, happily ever after friends_. They were, I suppose, partly my imagination, the part of me that wanted them to be fantastic people who I could be fantastic with, if only because I was a witch too, just like them. I wasn't like them I soon came to learn. Hogwarts was divided in many ways, more than just four houses, but four houses were enough to take away my imaginary life changing friendships. Four houses, that's how the sorting hat split us, and I knew no more of those people then a face and a name and a somewhat forgotten moment in time when we could have been friends.

Each train ride held new meaning, defined the rest of the year for me, without me even trying. Second year I sat with Marcy Dugleworth, a lone Hufflepuf at the time, who became my friend for a year, we lost touch over the summer. The sad truth is, I never really missed her. I never missed any of them back then, just Hogwarts, the magic, and the bizarre atmosphere that had somehow manifested itself into my attitude, into my soul.

Third year I became acquainted with two girls from my own house, Gryffindor, Alice Martin, and Zoe Fletcher. We shared a dormitory with two other girls and we were all somewhat friendly at the time, a time when we weren't consumed with boys and looks quite yet…or the outside world. I enjoyed their company, I still do, but I came to find I was a third wheel. They never neglected me on purpose, just in the nicest way, a way that clearly conveyed the point that they were friends long before I had come along, and still would be after I was out of the picture. They didn't want to get rid of me, in fact, they made a point to include me, but they were like Venice and me, best friends, and that was all that mattered, the rest of the world just melted into the background for them.

Fourth year on the trade ride I sat with the same crowd, Alice and Zoe. The boys of our year stopped by (including James Potter), to check in, pull my hair, and call me Red. The other girls from our dormitory joined us for a bit, Gracie Canon, and Cerulean Jones (called Cera, or Lean), but I didn't pay anyone much attention. I spent most of my time writing. I wrote a long letter to Venice, which was followed by many more long letters that year, occupying much of my time, because I realized, as nice as Alice, Zoe, Gracie, and Cera could be, they couldn't hold a candle to Venice.

I was generally liked, generally accepted…except by the Slytherins. There were four Hogwarts houses, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Slytherin. There were many things that separated me from Slytherin, all having to do with the fact that I was muggleborn, all having to do with the fact that I was in Gryffindor. That's what this wizarding war was really about, prejudice. There were some wizards who thought that only people who had all wizard lineages, who were pureblood, should have a right to an education at Hogwarts, and a respected place in the wizarding world. It drove me crazy to have to fight these prejudices, to have to prove these people wrong. I wasn't close to pureblood. Slytherins were purebloods, and they thought everyone else should be too. They made up crude and foul names for anyone who wasn't; anyone like me was called a mudblood, meaning dirty blood, like I could choose where I came from. I couldn't, though I don't think things would be any different if I could have chosen. This wouldn't be all to hard to bear, the prejudice, though no one should have to bear it, the problem lay with one nasty wizard, Voldemort, commonly know as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, or You-Know-Who. Voldemort was malevolent and maniacal, I was quite afraid of him and his cause. He was against everything I was. He thought the wizard race should be pureblooded, he carried out this goal by killing people he deemed mudbloods, slaughtering and torturing muggles and decimating anyone who came in his way. And it was war. Crazed pureblood fanatics allied themselves with him, creating a dangerous atmosphere for all of us. I was scared; I was soon to enter a world with people like Voldemort and his masked followers, the Death Eaters. I was soon to enter into a bigoted society filled with hate and bloodshed, how was I supposed to survive, being the minority, being hated?

Slytherins hated me, I was smart and pretty and entirely too muggleborn for their tastes, I was dirty and scoffed at, insulted, hexed. It wasn't nice, it wasn't pretty. Through all of this I made it to the top, made it to Head Girl, but after this year, I wouldn't be Head Girl; I'd have to make it on my own. Voldemort was afraid of our Headmaster Dumbledore, my hero, who protected us all, but soon, Dumbledore wouldn't always be there to go to.

Aside from the Slytherins though, I had my friends…like I said, I was likeable enough, if not a little too studious and rule abiding for people's tastes. Ravenclaws were smart, I fit in well with them or as well as was allowed, but they were hard to talk to, they were hard to fit in with. Hufflepuffs, on the other hand, were almost too nice, too accepting, too innocent that it made me sick to be around them for too long and their fake cheeriness, they were so emotional. Gryffindor's were my group, brave and caring, loyal till the end, but Gryffindor only got me so far, Slytherin hated Gryffindor.

I came to settle with my Gryffindor friends throughout my fourth year at school. My fifth year things began to change again. I could no longer sit with Alice and Zoe for the majority of the train ride. I was a prefect, a rule enforcer. I got to wear a cool badge and sit with the other prefects. This is how I came to know Remus Lupin.

Remus Lupin and I had a curious relationship. I never really knew where we stood, though let it be known, neither of us had any romantic inclinations towards each other. Remus was a hard person to get close to, he didn't need more friends, no, he already had three magnificent friendships that left me envious of him. His best friends were James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, all resident bad boys, hotties, and pranksters. They made up a group everyone referred to as the Marauders. In fifth year the Marauders gave me more headaches than was necessary, they were the pranksters, I was the disciplinarian.

Remus was also a prefect, not a very good one I had to admit. He was too fiercely loyal to his friends to stop them from causing trouble. Remus was, however, responsible and intelligent. I admired him, I told him as much once, he just shrugged it off as if people told him they admired him everyday, and gruffly replied, "You shouldn't," before walking away. I told Venice many anecdotes about Remus and his curious mystery. Remus was a nice boy, no doubt, but he was shrouded in mystery, a mystery I wanted to uncover. They were all mysterious, all four of them. It drove me crazy. They were such an outgoing group, loud, funny, parading their triumphs across the student body like the arrogant braggarts I knew them to be. It was such a contradiction, they were contradictions, and I contradicted myself spending time puzzling over these people I didn't even like, didn't want to like. I didn't like them, not then at least.

I seemed to be the only one impervious to their charm, even my friends like Alice and Zoe wouldn't pass up a chance to spend time with them. I was the only one, it seemed able to see the bad, able to condemn these boys for troublemaking, being arrogant and conceited, and just wrong, everything about them was so very wrong to me. When we were in fifth year they teased younger students just because they could get away with it, because they were powerful. They picked on Slytherins not because they had wronged them in any way, but only because they didn't agree with them, when questioned why the Marauders would prank Slytherins, they would cite reasons similar to mere exclamations that they were mean to Slytherins because they existed. They fueled a long line of hatred, though they themselves never really realized what they were doing, as smart as they were, they helped Slytherin hate Gryffindor, helped the school hate Slytherins. They helped divide us more than was safe in a time of war, a time when we needed to unite.

As much as I liked Remus and admired his friendship with the other Marauders, I couldn't hang around him for too long. I was plagued by the one and only, James Potter. Infamous as he was around Hogwarts, he could never win my heart. James was the kind of guy that everyone loved, and so he got whatever he wanted, in my eyes at least. I was the only thing he couldn't have; I knew I would be some kind of trophy to him, like he had finally managed to tame the Evans beast. I couldn't be tamed. If I wanted to talk to Remus I would have to put up with the fact that James was close by, waiting to pounce. For years, he had annoyed me, and then at the end of fourth year, he asked me out. Naturally, given the fact that we had disliked each other before this incident, I replied with a solid, resounding **no**. He was shocked, to say the least. I'm sure he never expected to be turned down, no one turned him down, not James Potter, who was seemingly perfect. Girls though him to be swoon worthy, he got good grades without trying, fifth year he became Quidditch captain, (a big deal seeing as Quidditch was the main sport at Hogwarts played on broomsticks in midair) and he walked around like he owned the place. It made me sick to think of him ruffling his hair, bothering me just to see me get mad, we argued so much, but he made it a habit of following me, asking me out every chance he got, the answer was always the same. I had by now become quite creative with my insults and rejections, I was sharp, I lived for passionate arguing, though sometimes he just went too far. James Potter got under my skin, I'll give him that much. Venice called it early on that James liked me, when I would write about my friends I wrote of 'that annoying Potter boy' she said he liked me, I had hoped she was wrong. She wasn't wrong.

Towards the end of my sixth year at Hogwarts Potter's pleas for a date with me had somewhat petered out though had by no means stopped, I only hoped this year they would come to an end, that we could coexist in peace and deal with each other as little as possible.

Alas, the universe seems to conspire against me in its devious manner that only those spurned by it can really appreciate. As my world seemed to turn, the universe threw up all of its bile, which due to the gravitational pull seemed to land right in my face, my first day of my seventh year at Hogwarts, Platform 9 ¾ , September first.

As I said I was excited, ready for a new year, happy to accept my post as Head Girl, yet reluctant for time to pass, unready to leave Venice, to leave my family, to never come back and have it be the same as it was. I wished to be immune to time, so that it couldn't affect me; that I could be like someone else watching my life in slow motion, even stopping once in a while like a movie to take everything in. On that day, I was very much there, though I wished I wasn't. My parents pulled up to the train station, my mom and I got out of the car while we waited for my dad to pop the trunk. My sister Petunia didn't come, she didn't want anything to do with my 'freakish' ability to do magic. I hefted my trunk onto the pavement, and then lifted it over the break between the pavement and the actual platforms, rolling it along. My owl, Sage, sat in her cage, precariously perched on top of my trunk and secured with a string tied into a makeshift knot. I rolled straight through the wall between Platforms 9 and 10, my parents close behind, and came to stop to the left of this magical barrier,which always seemed to amaze my parents, though the affect had worn off for me long ago.

We bade each other farewell in the heart-wrenching manner that seemed to suggest that we knew each other, but would never see each other again; I shed a tear or two myself. My parents couldn't be prouder in that moment. I had to go, I gave them each a rough hug and a gent kiss on the cheek and hurried onto the train, the whistle sounding around me signaling the train was ready for departure. I didn't even bother going to find Alice and Zoe for this ride; I would later if I had time. Instead I made my way straight to the prefect carriage, where I was to meet the Head Boy, and a half an hour later give the prefects their instructions. I was early as I opened the door to the prefects compartment, my breath caught as I imagined who would be Head Boy, I assumed it was Remus, though he may not have been the most effective prefect, he seemed right enough for the job. I hoped it wasn't Severus Snape, a nasty Slytherin on the other side of that door, I didn't think I could handle a year of mudblood this, mudblood that.

There was no one in the compartment when I got there. I looked out the window and found my parents faces, they found me a minute later and we waved to each other as the train pulled away. I began to stow my trunk in the overhead compartment, but this was a lengthy and difficult process, seeing as my trunk carried a large majority of my possessions and was quite heavy. Just as I though I was about to drop my trunk, the compartment door opened behind me. I almost turned to look and lost grip on my trunk, but before my trunk could hit the ground, a pair of arms surrounded me, with the intent of catching my trunk, the owner of my hands was male and I assumed he was the Head Boy, he dutifully placed my trunk in the overhead compartment.

"Thanks," I uttered, he smelled nice from where I was standing, I breathed a quick sight of relief, it couldn't be Snape, he seemed to rarely shower. I turned around and my heart felt as if it had dropped to my toes. It couldn't be that James Potter was standing behind me, smiling that annoyingly charming smile of his, and wearing a Head Boy badge on his robes that was quite similar to my own badge. He was there.

"What are you doing here?" I spluttered, my shock evidently portrayed in every cell of my body.

**A/N:** _Muahahaha Tell me what you think...I'll keep updating no matter what_!


	4. Haltingly Potter

Hey sorry for taking so long, its finals time! Read and enjoy!

**Haltingly Potter**

The next second, the air seemed to vanish from our compartment. It was one of those rare times when I wished for time to speed up, to just pass by so I didn't have time to catch my breath or think rationally. As I stood there in that compartment, I could see James Potter's grin turn from a smile to a smirk to a frown, which seemed out of place on his face. In that moment, I felt bad for putting that frown on his face, but that moment was soon gone as I felt a strong pang of indignation.

He turned away from me and his voice was clipped in a way that would suggest that he was restraining himself from something. "I'm Head Boy, Evans." He always called me Evans and I always called him Potter. I'm sure it held some significance, especially later on in our relationship, but in that train compartment it was clear that we weren't friends. I wondered for a brief moment if Potter had stolen his badge- from Remus, but passed the thought off as a dud. A series of scenarios quickly ran through my head as to how he got that badge, each one as unlikely as the next, the last one involving Severus Snape and dirty gray underpants which I would rather not think about. I shook myself from these disturbing thoughts only to accept that he was telling the truth.

James had turned around to watch me collect my thoughts, and just as quickly as my shock had appeared it left, leaving behind a crisper demeanor.

"Fine, Potter, fine," I stated, I was all business back then, or I tried to be at least.

I paused for a second, "Fine, fine, fine." I took a breath and then looked him square in the eye. "I assume you don't know what we have to do now?" Unlike me, James had never been a prefect, he didn't know the ropes, I could only assume.

He opened his mouth to speak and I could tell there was a cheeky reply waiting on his tongue. Then, to my surprise, he hesitated, and then abruptly closed his mouth. He closed his eyes, swallowed, and looked up at me. I was surprised at how direct his hazel gaze really was. He picked up his left hand to ruffle his black, messy hair, a habit that I used to abhor, but it grew on me in time. He smiled hesitantly, not his charming, 'I own the world' grin, but it was small, soft and unsure, and replied, "We need to address the prefects as to the rules, patrols, and other duties?" he used a questioning tone, though we both knew he was right. I quite liked the sound of his voice, when he wasn't taunting me or asking me out, though back then I would never admit it. I gave a curt nod in reply before turning to my seat. I could tell he was watching me. I didn't give him the courtesy of looking up as I sat down. Instead, I reached into the pocket of my shorts and pulled out a crumpled bit of parchment and a muggle pen I had pilfered from my mother's purse. I flattened the parchment out on my knees and poised my pen, ready to write a very disheveled letter, which would appear to match my mood.

Potter had by now taken a seat across from me. "What are you writing?" Potter asked, interrupting my thought. My pen was still poised.

"A letter," I replied, not looking up, my demeanor oozing nonchalance.

"Whom are you writing to?" Potter questioned, his voice laden with curiosity.

"Venice," I answered, I looked up for a moment and met his eyes, which seemed to be searching my face for some sign of approval. I stared down at my parchment and acquiesced with a quick glance toward him and a nod. Potter knew about Venice. Anyone who had ever taken the time to know me at all knew about my wonderful muggle friend. Potter and I had been living in the same house and had had the same classes for the past 6 years, he didn't know all the details, but he had the basics down. Odd, I was civil with Potter just then.

* * *

Dear Venice,

As luck would have it, Head Girl has turned out to be doomed from the start. I know I'm dramatic, but its true. My partner, though nothing close to the foul Snape, has turned out to be none other than…who guessed it…James Potter? Don't roll your eyes at me, as I know you are doing now. Hey STOP!

So here I am, sitting alone in a train compartment with…you guessed it…Potter, who is now surveying me almost too intently with an air of intense interest. Sigh its going to be a long year, I can miss you already. I'll write you again later, I'm not even at school yet and I have troubles, they just seem to gravitate towards me…ah well maybe your right, they don't, I imagine things, but this time its real, he's here in the flesh. Until next time.

A thousand hugs, Love,

Lily

* * *

I undid the lock on Sage's cage, which was now resting beside me and lest Sage out where she hopped up onto my arm. James pulled something out of his pocket, though I wasn't looking at him an soon Sage sat upon his arm where he was petting her with the back of his finger. I watched as he fished some owl treats out of a bag in his lap and happily fed them to her, smiling as she pecked his fingers and ruffled her gray feathers.

I beckoned Potter to turn Sage so I could have easy access to her legs. He complied as she stuck out a scaly leg and I searched my pockets for the twine. I sighed and looked up again, not having found any twine and right in front of my face between two fingers of the had that wasn't holding Sage, Potter was dangling a piece of twine.

He couldn't resist the smirk that crept into his face. "Oy Evans, what do I get in return?" He raised his eyebrows at me, his smirk prominently etching itself into the annoyed part of my brain. That was more like Potter, completely clueless once again.

"Nothing," I snapped, "You arrogant dunce!" I got up to leave, but then realized the prefects were due in five minutes. I sighed. I turned back around, expecting Potter to pursue the issue more, to annoy me as he always went out of his way to do, but instead saw that he had put his head in his hands. I sat back down and he looked up. I stuck out my hand with and exasperated look taking over my face, and he looked at it seemingly confused. Sage had now perched herself on top of her cage.

"Twine?"

"Oh" and he scrambled to find it, handing it to me, happy, I'm sure, to be of some help. "I'm sorry"

"What?" I asked, not sure I had heard him right. I tied the letter to Sage's leg and opened the window of the train and pushed Sage out, after having given her the instructions to deliver the letter to Venice. I turned back to look to James.

"I was an arrogant dunce." He paused not looking up, " I should have just left it, but I had to go and ruin it, I'm sorry Evans. I am trying"

He was. "It's fine, Potter." I decided not to press the issue. I didn't want to be preserved as an uptight prude but James brought out that side in me. He just got under my skin, and compared to him, I was uptight.

The door of the compartment slid open and in walked Severus Snape. He spotted James and me, the expression on his face quickly turning to a scowl, his upper lip surely curled up at the edge. He seemed about to say something, but the door opened again and in walked Remus Lupin with a smile. Snape huffily took a seat in the corner of the compartment.

I gave Remus a smile and gave him a hug. "Alright there?" he asked me, with his eyebrow raised and his head inclined toward James, who was beginning the other prefects shuffling in.

"Fine Remus, a little shell shocked, but fine all the same" and Remus moved to gain a seat between two Hufflepuff prefects, Dara Abbot and Amos Diggory.

All the prefects were soon settled into the cushioned seats, packed in a little tightly, but still fitting nonetheless. I don't really remember the details of the meeting, it was just the usual giving out orders to the prefects, James and I shared the talking and my nerves weren't so bad. The prefects soon all got up to leave most of them leaving with their house partners, though some intermingling, except for the Slytherins, that is.

That's when the train stopped. The compartment door shut behind the last prefect and the driver came over the sound system on the train. The voice was grainy and unsure. "All students must be in a compartment immediately". There was a shuffling in the hallway and James walked to the door and stuck his head out. The lights in the corridor went out, but no one was in the hallway anymore. James gave me a confused look, which I returned with a shrug, though my heart was beating a strange pattern into my ribcage and inside my ears. "There has been an attack" James gave me a look that suggested everything I was feeling, my blood just seemed to run cold.


	5. In the Dark

Chapter 5: In the Dark

For the second time that day, the air seemed to leave the compartment, but this time for a different reason. The air was sucked from my body and I let it all out in a loud whoosh as I collapsed back onto the seat behind me. Potter was watching me wearily, and he too lowered himself much more slowly onto the seat in front of me. And that was it. There really was nothing we could do. We didn't have any news of what was going on; sending owls anywhere at the moment was not very safe because it could possibly give away our location, and no one was allowed out in the corridors.

I was trapped with Potter in our secluded little compartment, oh how I loved my luck. Silence. The next half hour passed in silence. The loudest sound to be heard was my own shallow breathing as I sat there, not even looking up. I was just staring down at my hands which were clenched around each other in my lap, slightly moist and colored with chipping nail polish, I wouldn't look at Potter, and didn't for the first half hour of solitude.

Then I couldn't stand it. When something like this happens, an attack, you're not supposed to just sit there doing nothing, just thinking to yourself, wondering and worrying. But there we sat, James Potter and I in torturing silence that was becoming louder than silence should be in my mind. An attack? What kind of attack? Where? Was anyone hurt? Why had it stopped the train? And James Potter sat there not saying a thing, he usually was talking and now he sat there challenging me with his silence and that was just about all I could have handled. I never liked the quiet so it was I who broke the silence.

I looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at me, he was looking out the window into the light of outside that was awfully cheerful for such an intense atmosphere. I studied him, knowing he wasn't paying me attention for once. His brow was furrowed in thought and there was a deep line across his forehead that didn't really belong on the face of a 17-year-old boy who shouldn't have much to worry about.

I think maybe it was then that I fell in love with him, but I can never be sure. I didn't really believe I could be in love back in September of my seventh year, I hoped for it, but I didn't believe in love at first sight, and I definitely didn't believe in loving James Potter of all people, or even liking him. I certainly hadn't felt love then, I didn't even think of him romantically. There he was, a constant nuisance, but I couldn't help soften at the worry that had ruined his otherwise smooth face, worry that I undoubtedly shared with him. I sometimes found myself unable to sleep at night because there was just too much on my mind, too much to worry about. Worrying was for adults; I wasn't supposed to be doing it. I was still a child, still in school, but I guess I was there, teetering helplessly on the brink of adult hood, unbalanced and pitching forward into the future out of control. When all I wanted to do was balance myself and step back from the edge, rather than plunge head first into the uncertain abyss before me. It was all in the dark from there on in.

I purposely shifted around in my seat sighing loudly and making noise. I drew his attention. "Do you think we should do something?"

"No." and that was it. I knew he was right of course, there was nothing to be done, but I didn't want him to be right. He was always telling me "no", that James Potter. When I look into the past, James Potter always had something else to say. Months from this moment, a world away, I was friends with James Potter. Sometimes I would want to do something and James would just say no. No, he refused and I just wouldn't get what I wanted at that time. Oh and we argued so much. He was the only person who wouldn't easily give up, who wouldn't say yes without a fight. That was the way it seemed. It always seemed as if James Potter was telling me no when everyone else was saying yes, but if anyone ever believed that, then they were sorely mistaken. James Potter was the only one saying yes, screaming it in fact, when everyone else was clearly denying me. He had the strangest way of never giving me what I thought I wanted, but giving me something else instead, something that I should have wanted or even needed, but hadn't even thought about, a better alternative. That was James Potter, he was just better. He was always a challenge, and that's why it was just he and I because no one else was standing there with us, red in the face demanding everything and getting even more than we ever expected. It was difficult and hard and sometimes I wanted to just stop and cry, and deny myself like everyone else and just go along with what everyone wanted, but I didn't. I was crazy, but the smartest of them all. I screamed NO, dripped my defiance all over the place where it would harden and stick. From that mess would come something better, like James Potter, to whom I always said No, when in truth, I was giving him something better, to him it was me saying yes. We continued on, we persevered, always. But all that wasn't yet, here we were, just at the beginning when I thought everything was coming to an end.

"What kind of attack do you think? Death Eater?" I asked. He nodded.

"I'm just trying to think where the attack could have been and what happened in it to have caused the train to stop. We must be disillusioned or something, the train I mean. The attack had to be near enough to us to cause a worry." He speculated. "There must be some sort of danger of us being captured or harmed, or else I'm sure the train wouldn't have been stopped." Wow, he had thought all that up while I had just been sitting there worrying.

"So I guess we're stuck." He nodded again. What was with this boy and his sudden reluctance to speak?

"Yea." I said only to fill the silence because I was one of those people, you know the type, when it's silent we fill it. We don't even need to make sense; we just need to talk so we're not reminded of other silent voids in us. It was uncomfortable, at first at least. I rubbed my eyes and tilted my head back on the seat to see if maybe I was tired enough to sleep. I was frustrated with not knowing, frustrated at being trapped with Potter. Then he spoke.

"So we're heads this year." He started and I thought all conversation in this infernal compartment would continue in that same awkward manner. But it didn't.

First it was heads, he confessed he was surprised by his appointment. Then it was Quidditch, because though I didn't really follow the pro's I liked to fly well enough. Family, friends, religion, food, muggle vs. wizard, pranks, snot nosed Slytherins, we covered it all that day in that compartment though I didn't know him then at all.

The reason I'm describing this all to you, the reason you need to know what happened in that compartment that day is because it's important. You may not find it interesting, but that was my life and this was my story and right there with James Potter was the beginning so you need to know before I get to any middle or end. Everything comes from something else and if I was every going to love James Potter, then we had to begin somewhere.

I was surprised at myself. I was being sucked into something I had avoided and I didn't even mind. I didn't normally just connect with people, especially people I had ever ended up close with. Venice, though she came to know me inside and out, took years to gain that level. I have many friends but no one ever really scratched the surface. Venice once analyzed this part of me. I can remember sitting on her bed one summer, my legs crossed beneath me and my back slanted on her pillows, my head tilted towards the ceiling. I don't remember what we were saying but I remember we had a fight and I had to sit up to get in a few real good yells. Then we were crying and hugging and the funny thing is, it's silly that we even fought, I can't remember what it was about, but she told me this that day, and I have to admit it was true.

"Lily," she said, catching my attention with her soulful brown eyes.

"What?" I intoned, quite fed up with arguing, already in tears. She brushed her shoulder length brown waves out of her face.

"You don't do people." I didn't get it. "You just don't, people want to know you, but you just don't let them, and you walk around like you know everyone but the only way you're ever going to get to know anyone is if you give them a little trust. Have a little faith for gosh sakes, it won't kill you!" She reasoned. Just then I was still mad, but later we talked again. "Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe." That's what she said, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "That's you." It was. I don't really know where she got that quote from, but it made me realize that she was absolutely right, and that we were very different. The only way to know if you can trust someone is to give them a secret and see what they do with it, you can't know unless you try, and I guess I just didn't try often enough. Venice loved everyone and didn't hurt like I did sometimes. I knew I had to be like that, to guide my own life and to love more and hurt less. I didn't trust people, I don't know why, it's not like my parents ever lied to me or treated me badly. I had a good life, but they why couldn't I live freely and openly like I'd seen Venice do?

I was just in the dark, puzzling through it all, trying to figure things out. And right then back in that compartment, the light was fading as I realized I had been stuck in that compartment with Potter for more than a few hours. We were being slowly swallowed up by the dark of the world outside our little train compartment, but when it got so dark we couldn't see, Potter brought out his wand and lit it up and it was light again. So maybe I only have to endure the dark for a little while. Sometimes in the shadows it only means a light is shining nearby, and I was just about to discover that light, in a dark compartment at the beginning of the end, September 1st of my seventh year.


	6. Whispers In the Night

The Link Year:

Whispers In the Night 

_Disclaimer: I realized I've never done one of the whoops. Anything you recognize is the work of the brilliant JK Rowling, and anything else is mine. I just write for fun…and I don't want to be sued. _

_Enjoy!_

It was strange, we had sat there all day and all night and still, I hadn't heard a sound on a train full of students, but maybe I hadn't been listening.

By now it was just past one in the morning and Potter and I had both dozed off around midnight, but he was still asleep, whereas I was waking up to a dark compartment. The moon was half full and the stars were dull against a navy sky, and it could have been pretty if I hadn't been so frightened. Now that I was sort of alone, I had time to listen. I could hear the creaks and the thumps and most of all, more than anything I heard whispers.

I know I wasn't supposed to, but as most people were probably asleep whereas I was just getting my second wind, I had to get out of that compartment. I crossed to the door, careful not to wake James up and poked my head out into the dark silent corridor. I pulled my whole body out and closed the door with a soft gliding snap.

I crept down that corridor, my ears poised, hearing all kinds of whispers in the night until I reached the end of the car. I found two doors, one leading to the next part of the train and one leading into the night. I shuffled from foot to foot and then decided to be reckless. I almost laughed, my first day as head girl and I seemed to be the only one breaking the rules. I climbed a ladder up the side of the outside of the train and pulled myself up top. I took and deep breath, the air was fresh and I had goose bumps gently prickling my arms, which I rubbed before plopping down on my back atop that train with my arms hugged around me.

The sky was huge and I was alone. I felt like I was there protecting that train, like I was the only thing stopping those dull stars and that navy sky from falling down and crushing this scarlet vehicle to smithereens. Sometimes it was nice to be alone, but to tell the truth, I'd rather have company than be alone, and I'd rather be alone than just be another face in a crowd like so many before me.

I was calm and the train beneath me still, and it was reckless and thrilling, something as simple as just laying there atop that train. I felt happy and scared at the same time and the train was huge compared to me, but the sky was bigger and out here in the open it wasn't as dark as the inside of the train makes it out to be. There's always something bigger, and nothing can ever be as is, it's not that simple, it just isn't.

Potter had been right, the train was disillusioned by magic and seemed to blend into the environment, but I knew it was there, and I didn't blend in any.

The metal underneath the back of my robes wasn't too cold, but it didn't warm me up any and there was a slight breeze, but I didn't mind. I found little grooves in the top to hold onto and I dug my warm fingers into place and got a tight grip and I just lay there. I didn't even think of anything except the sky and the trees and the train and the whispers, which was nice because there were too many bad things of which I could have been thinking about.

It was serene and I guess I must have dozed off for a long while, the image of the dull stars and the half moon and a navy backdrop seared into my eyelids, for the next thing I knew, James Potter was stumbling up top next to me. He looked slightly hacked off. "Jesus Evans! You nearly scared the living daylights out of me with your little disappearing act!" I watched as his left hand came up to ruffle his hair as it always seemed to do and I rolled my eyes.

"Great Potter, now you've gone and ruined it." I stated. His eyes bulged out a bit and he opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, ruffling his messy black hair and rubbing the side of his nose with his index finger.

"Evans! Don't be ridiculous, I wake up and you're gone and we're here waiting during this attack and its dark and you weren't on the train! How am is supposed to react?"

"I dunno" I replied trying not to care.

He huffed and crossed his arms and I almost let out a laugh at his indignation, but he was Potter and I didn't like him one bit and he wasn't funny. Even though we had had conversation before, I wouldn't admit that I had liked it. I was mad that he thought I couldn't take care of myself, like I was some damsel in distress who was just stupid enough to wander into danger. I was though. I had been reckless and he had been right, but sometimes at seventeen you're always right and boys with messy hair and glasses--well, they can always be wrong as long as it's nothing too serious.

I had closed my eyes again, hoping to get back to where I had been. "Budge over." He commanded, a slight edge to his voice, but I could tell he was curious. I opened one lazy eye to glance at him and then moved over enough for him to lie down next to me, my left hand now the only hand holding onto the grooves and our shoulders touching. "Now what did I ruin?" He looked up at the sky like I was doing.

"Well everything." I said. He quirked an eyebrow. "Well look at it." I continued, point my right index finger towards the stars. "What do you see?"

He looked up for a minute. "The stars?"

"What about the stars?"

"Well they're not so bright tonight, not so glaring but close, yea they're pretty close to us up here."

"What else?"

"Well the trees and the moon."

"Yea? And what do you hear and feel and smell, what about it all, why is it so special?" I asked, breathing in the air.

"Well I dunno Evans, you tell me."

"I see the world pressed into my face, weighing down my body. The train feels cool but the breeze feels nice and I have goose bumps but it's alright cause I'm not afraid. The stars are still shining like there's nothing wrong, and the moon just keeps waxing and waning. I hear whispers, lots of whispers, and I know there are secrets that I'll never know, but that's ok. It's peace, can't you smell it, can't you hear it? Sure we're under attack, but up here, alone, we're just two kids looking at the sky. Just two kids growing up, and when you are angry, you ruin it, because anger ruins peace and that's why you ruin it." I laughed a bit. "But you're no You-Know-Who." I referred to Voldemort, I was more afraid back then.

"Alright." He said.

We lay there until the wind picked up a bit and the sun began to rise in the east as it did every day of my whole life and I sat up to watch it, Potter did too, and then we climbed down off the train and into the corridor and just as the door close behind me the train shook and bit and then started to move. As we walked along the corridor there was cheering and I smiled a bit because it was light and I wasn't trapped. The sun in our compartment was warm on my face and I fell into a sleep for the entire ride to Hogwarts.

I woke up to a more filled compartment that afternoon. Sirius Black sat next to me on my right and Peter Pettigrew on my left. Remus Lupin and James Potter sat across from me. Somehow all of their stuff had migrated into our head's compartment. I heard whispering of the four boys and stifled laughter and I opened my eyes slowly, but they hadn't noticed that I was awake. The train had woken me up because it was beginning to slow down on its way into Hogsmeade station. Then it screeched to a slow halt and I sat up straighter in my seat. The four boys all turned to look at me and then laughed.

"Hey Evans," Sirius Black stated through laughter, "Might want to watch yourself as you sleep, you like to talk and toss about and drool a bit." I gave him a frustrated, but still sleepy look and proceeded to slap the back of his head, his long black hair flopping into his eyes as I did so.

Remus chuckled and stood up to stretch, he was thin, but handsome with dirty blonde hair and a bit of stubble left on his face. He grabbed my trunk from the overhead compartment and placed it at my feet as I too stood up. I grabbed Sage's empty cage and was the first to make my way out of the compartment into the crowded hallway, the four boys following me.

The next thing I knew I was in my dormitory getting ready for the first day of classes. All of my summer homework was done so I settled down on my bed with a book and curled up in an empty dorm (the other girls were all still downstairs). I drifted off to sleep, my book falling onto the floor and that was it for my first day back at Hogwarts. It would be a whole week until anything out of the ordinary happened.


End file.
